L'Essentiel Est Invisible Pour Les Yeux
by lalapine
Summary: Can Amanda help Lee see past his self-pity?


Disclaimer: I don't own SMK or related characters. No infringement intended. The title is from Le Petit Prince (The Little Prince).  
  
Author: Tammy M. Parnell  
E-mail: LaLapine@aol.com  
  
Summary: Can Amanda help Lee see past self-pity?  
  
L'Essentiel Est Invisible Pour Les Yeux  
(The Essential Is Invisible For The Eyes)  
by Tammy M. Parnell  


  


Another headache?  
  
Agent Lee Stetson sat down with a slight grunt on the sofa in the office he shared with his partner of three years at International Federal Film. For the fifth time in two weeks, he had a throbbing around his temples that he found hard to ignore. His partner and girlfriend, Amanda King, sat concernedly beside him, holding a cool cloth to his forehead. They had been secretly dating for nearly a month now, and except for his aching temples, Lee couldn't have been happier.  
  
Amanda began hesitantly. I think that maybe you should see a doctor. She got the expected reaction.  
  
No way, Amanda. I hate doctors.   
  
I know, Lee. I know, she said as she stroked his blondish hair. But these headaches might be a sign of something more serious. Amanda knew it wouldn't be easy to convince her best friend to seek medical attention, but she was worried about him and hated to see him hurting.  
  
Lee began, trying to sound sure of himself. It's nothing but a few lousy headaches. I just haven't been getting enough sleep or something. I'll be fine. To her doubtful expression, Lee sat up straighter on the couch. he said, looking into Amanda's deep brown eyes. If it gets really bad, I'll see Doc MacJohn. Okay?  
  
Amanda nodded, not looking overly convinced.  
  
Lee said as he gently brushed his hand against her cheek. I'm fine, he assured her with a smile. A twinkle sparkled in his green eyes as he continued, And anyway, if I get really sick, I've got you to nurse me back to health. It just might be worth it.  
  
Amanda returned his smile as she leaned closer to kiss him. Might be? she whispered as their lips met.   
  
A harsh knock at the door interrupted their kiss. Amanda jumped up to stand beside the couch as their boss's assistant, Francine Desmond, walked through the doorway. She was carrying a stack of files and looked at her fellow agents suspiciously.  
  
I haven't interrupted anything, have I? she inquired curiously.  
  
Lee has another headache, Amanda explained as Lee gave his partner an annoyed look.  
  
Oh, well, in that case, Francine said mischievously as she set the files on Amanda's desk, I guess I haven't interrupted anything.  
  
Did you want something, Francine? Lee asked irritably as he rose to his feet.  
  
Billy wants to see both of you about a new assignment. He said something about Paris. She emphasized this last word with a slight accent. You know, the city of l'amour.  
  
With an exasperated look in Francine's direction, Lee headed to the door, Amanda following close behind. Francine noticed that Lee held his hand to his forehead and she realized that her friend really wasn't feeling very well.  
  
You know, Lee, she offered. If you want to go home, I'm sure Billy wouldn't mind if I briefed you later, or even Amanda could fill you in.  
  
Amanda was quick to add, Oh, Lee, that's a good idea. Why don't you go home and get some rest?  
  
No thank you, Lee replied curtly. As I've told Amanda here, it's just a headache. It'll go away. I don't need anyone fussing over me, so let's just drop the subject, okay? Lee wasn't up to a debate on his physical well-being, and he wanted everyone to just leave him alone.  
  
Yes, Sir. Francine said with a mocking salute. Lee looked after her retreating figure, annoyed as she headed for the closet-elevator that would take her underground to Agency Headquarters.  
  
Lee turned his attention to Amanda. See what you did? Now Francine's even bugging me.  
  
Lee, I'm sorry. But I'm just worried about you. I'm your friend. I care about you. I have a right to worry.  
  
Lee's expression softened. I know you care, Amanda, and that means a lot to me, but I'm a big boy. I know when I need a doctor, and it's not now. Trust me.  
  
Lee, if anything happened to you, I--  
  
Hey, nothing's going to happen. To either of us. Lee glanced around the Q-Bureau and seeing that they were alone, he kissed Amanda's cheek. She sighed in resignation as she put her arms around him for a quick hug. Then they headed for the closet-elevator to meet with William Melrose, the section chief at IFF.  
  
As they waited for the elevator, Lee knew Amanda wasn't very happy with him, and he wanted to make it up to her. Tell you what. How about tonight, we have a nice quiet dinner together? We can just relax and spend some time with each other.  
  
I'd like that. Amanda was still concerned for her friend, but she rationalized that if he really were sick, he'd know it better than she would. She sighed acceptingly as they pushed the coats aside to make room in the elevator. _You're worrying over nothing_, she told herself. _Lee's right. It's just a headache._  
  
***  
  
So I want you two to fly to Paris next week and meet with French Agent Henri Dumont, Billy summed up. Hopefully together we can find this mole that seems to have infiltrated both United States and French intelligence.  
  
And you think it's the Russians? questioned Amanda.  
  
Well, they are our prime suspect. Their relationship with our countries has never been very amiable. Besides, they're the ones who have ended up with information enough to interfere with our last three major operations, and France hasn't had much luck lately either.  
  
Lee began. How do you expect us to be able to find the leak? I mean, there's not much to go on.  
  
Well, Scarecrow, you know which operations have been aborted, and which agents have been contacted. You need to compare notes with Dumont. And it will be much easier to do it in Europe, in case you need to get to the Soviet Union.  
  
Chances are, Billy, that he's hiding out somewhere else, in easier reach of our men. You said that several of U.S. and French intelligence agents have gone to the other side.  
  
Exactly. That means there's probably more than one man stealing our agents, and the head of this whole operation may be keeping his distance. Maybe some are hiding in an embassy somewhere or laying low in the countryside. More agents have been contacted from France than from the U.S., that's another reason to go out there. The closer we are to the source, the better.  
  
Couldn't they have men in both countries? asked Amanda.  
  
Lee said, But chances are that the mastermind is in Europe.  
  
But, Lee, she continued, how do we even know it's the Soviets behind this? Why not one of our own agents?  
  
Billy answered her question. It is possible, and I don't want either of you to rule that out, but it's highly unlikely. After all, it's not just the U.S. that's affected, it's France, too, and so the chances of one of our agents or a French agent being the brains behind this doesn't make sense. Why target both these countries unless you have something to gain from it? The Soviets have everything to gain by giving less power to other countries.  
  
Lee continued. We know the Soviets have it in for all of us, but we've always had good relations with France. He turned to Billy. When is it that we have to leave?  
  
Next Tuesday. Will that be a problem for you, Amanda?  
  
No, Sir. I'll tell my family I've got a film shoot to do, and if I take some pictures while we're there, it won't really be a lie.  
  
Good. Now both of you take the rest of the day off, and tomorrow you can review those files I had Francine put in your office. Defected agents, aborted missions, and the like.  
  
Yes, Sir, Amanda replied as she and Lee headed for the door.  
  
Francine, who had been sitting quietly next to Billy's desk had to put in her two cents. Bon voyage, she smiled smugly.  
  
Lee kissed the air in her direction and returned her sarcastic smile. He shook his head as he followed Amanda through the bull pen. Thoughts of what a strange friendship he had with Francine were pushed aside as he painfully remembered his headache. He hoped he would be fine for Paris on Tuesday. He smiled to himself in spite of his discomfort as he looked in Amanda's direction. Maybe Francine has a point, after all, he thought to himself. This could be a very interesting trip.  
  
***   
  
The next morning, Lee lay in bed with a pillow over his eyes trying to block out the sunlight. It felt like he had a hangover, though he had only had a couple of glasses of wine--one with Amanda after work at Norman's and another with her later at his apartment for dinner. His headache had almost disappeared last night, but now it was back and worse than ever. He was beginning to think Amanda was right. Maybe he should see a doctor. At least he'd be able to get something more than aspirin, which wasn't doing him any good.   
  
He got up slowly with a groan. Yes. He would see the Agency doctor today before work, but he wouldn't say anything to Amanda until afterwards. He didn't want to have her fuss over him any more than she already had. He was glad that she worried about him, but he wished sometimes that she didn't act like he was one of her children.  
  
Lee slowly buttoned his shirt as he smiled in spite of himself. Fussing or not, he liked that Amanda was there for him. He loved spending time with her and working with her. She seemed to have some sort of sixth sense that helped on a lot of their cases. Who would have thought that that day three years ago at the train station would have changed his life so much? He was a different man now than he was back then, and he knew it was because of Amanda. He never thought he could feel the way about a woman the way he felt about her. It took him long enough to realize his feelings, but now they were undeniable. He almost blushed as he said aloud softly, almost wonderingly, I love her.  
  
It wasn't the first time the feeling had occurred to him, but he had never really put it into words before, and it surprised him. He felt a fluttering in his stomach as he thought to himself, Does she love me?  
  
A plan began to form in his mind: Paris, the Eiffel Tower, sunset--he would tell her. After their assignment, he would get some flowers, bring some champagne, and just tell her. He began to feel a schoolboy excitement as he thought of his plan, and if it hadn't been for his headache, he would have been grinning from ear to ear.  
  
***  
  
Later that day, Lee sat somberly at his desk in the Q-Bureau. All thoughts of that morning were gone from his mind as he mulled over what Doctor MacJohn had told him. His headache was gone thanks to the medicine the doctor had prescribed, but Amanda had been right--the headaches _had_ been a sign of something more serious. Lee closed his eyes and worriedly leaned back in his chair. He felt as though his whole life was ending. How would it feel to be blind?  
  
Hey, Sleepyhead, Amanda cheerily greeted him as she entered the office. Lee quickly sat upright as he looked at her, the woman he loved. How could he tell her?  
  
Amanda saw that something was bothering him. Uh oh. Not another headache? She came over to him and brushed her hand lightly against his forehead.  
  
Lee gently pulled away. No, uh, no. He tried to sound casual. I saw Doc MacJohn today.  
  
Amanda was surprised that he had gone without further persuasion.  
  
Lee looked into her concerned brown eyes and after a moment of debate, sighed. He couldn't tell her. Not now. Not here. He gave me some medicine. He attempted a smile. No more headaches.  
  
That's great, Lee. Now we can concentrate on that case next week--and other things.  
  
Lee returned her smile outwardly, but inside, he was scared. He didn't want to believe what the doctor had told him, but Doc MacJohn had seemed so certain. He didn't know what was causing the damage but said that Lee's vision would continue to get worse, though Lee hadn't paid attention to the occasional blurred sight he had been experiencing; he thought it had been from lack of sleep and too much computer work. The doctor suggested that the damage to his retinas could be a delayed reaction from being near an explosion or something with sudden bright light. Blood samples had been taken and nothing unusual had turned up. There didn't seem to be anything to do to stop what was happening to him, and for the first time since his parents died, Lee felt truly helpless.  
  
Amanda had moved over to her own desk, but as she reviewed the files, something caused her to glance up at her partner. The expression on his troubled face worried her.  
  
  
  
He looked up guiltily, afraid he had been too lost in thought.  
  
Is something wrong?  
  
Wrong? Uh, no. No, not at all. Why would you say that?  
  
she said as she got up from her seat and walked over to the side of his desk. This is me, Amanda. You don't have to pretend with me. She gently touched his shoulder. What's wrong?  
  
Lee looked at her and felt a strange feeling tugging at his heart. It would be so easy to just tell her everything. She could help him through this. But he was scared. Part of him worried that she would get angry and turn away from him. Deep in his heart, he was afraid she would reject him once she knew. Could she be in love with a blind man?  
  
Another part of Lee wanted to protect her from the truth, and prolong what they had as long as possible. This is the part of him that spoke up now. He promised himself he would tell her, but he wanted to wait--until after their assignment in Paris. One last good time before . . . Before what? Lee wondered. Before he went blind, before Amanda became just a memory?  
  
Lee gulped as he rose to his feet. Nothing's wrong, Amanda. I'm fine, he lied. Look, I have to run a few errands, but I'll see you later, okay? And then we can talk about next week. You know, make some plans outside of work.  
  
Amanda returned his smile as he kissed her cheek and walked through the door. Something was obviously wrong, but Lee wouldn't talk about it. That didn't seem too unusual, but Amanda was still worried. Lee wouldn't even admit that something was bothering him.   
  
Amanda sighed as she returned to her desk. He would tell her when he was ready, she knew. She would just have to wait. But as she attempted to continue to review the files, her concentration was lost. It had followed Lee out the door.  
  
***  
  
That night, Lee laid curled up on his living room sofa. Most of the cushions had been flung across the room, along with a heavy mug that had shattered with a satisfying crash. My life is over, Lee kept thinking to himself. My career is as good as gone, my car useless, my Amanda...  
  
He still didn't know what to think of Amanda. He knew how he felt, knew now more deeply than he had before, but now he was unsure of himself. Amanda liked him for who he was--a secret agent who drove a silver sports car and took her out to dinner. Lee knew it was more than that, but he realized that his whole life would be different. Was it even worth it?  
  
Lee stared at the gun he had set in front of him on the coffee table. The headlines could read, Died Honorably In The Line Of Duty, not Forced To Resign Due To Disability. He stared at the barrel for a long time, thinking. He couldn't go blind. He might as well be dead.   
  
But then he thought of Amanda again. What would she say? He tried to rationalize that he could set it up, make it look like homicide. But not yet. He wanted this next assignment. He needed to spend some time with her. He needed to tell her how much she meant to him, before . . .   
  
Lee got up and poured himself another beer. If things went his way tonight, tomorrow's headache really would be a hangover.  
  
***  
  
Amanda sat on her living room sofa with an unread book in her hand. She hadn't been able to think of anything but Lee all day. He had acted just a little too cheerful when he had returned to the Q-Bureau that afternoon, and that had served only to further Amanda's natural curiosity.   
  
Yes, dear? Dotty was only half-listening, thoroughly engrossed in her spy novel.  
  
Dotty looked up this time with an apologetic look on her face. Amanda continued. I have this friend at work...  
  
Mr. Steadman? Dotty guessed.  
  
Amanda blushed slightly. Actually, yes. Well, he's been acting a little strange all day, and he won't tell me what's wrong. I'm kind of worried about him.  
  
Oh, Amanda, I wouldn't worry about it. You know, a lot of men don't like to discuss their feelings. It's harder for them to open up.  
  
I know, and L, er Mr. Steadman, is kind of like that, but a lot of times I can get him to talk to me. Something's different this time.  
  
Well, Amanda. I think he probably just needs some time. He'll get around to telling you. And anyway, maybe there isn't even anything wrong. People can just get in moods sometimes. He may be perfectly fine tomorrow. Just look at Phillip and Jamie. Now they can be difficult sometimes.  
  
Dotty went back to her book as Amanda continued to think about her friend. She didn't think that her sons arguing about eating their peas was really comparable to Lee's strange actions. But Dotty was right. Amanda could only wait till Lee was ready to tell her.  
  
***  
  
Amanda adjusted the headset to listen to the flight movie as the stewardess passed her a croissant. They had been flying for several hours now, and Lee hadn't said much all day. All week he hadn't let on that something was bothering him, and Amanda was tempted to believe her mother that it was just a passing mood. But the strange way once in a while that Lee would stare at some object or person, including herself, would remind Amanda of her suspicions. Though whenever she caught Lee looking at her in that way, she confronted him and he denied any problem. What could she do if he wasn't willing to talk to her?  
  
Lee stared absently out the window at the passing clouds. His croissant lay untouched on the tray before him. He hadn't had much appetite for the past week. It was going to be tough to concentrate on his job this time. Nothing in his Agency training could help him deal with what the doctor had told him. He had been trained to handle almost any situation--terrorists, torturers, triple agents--anything. Except this.  
  
He sighed to himself. He was supposed to be enjoying his rare time with Amanda, but all he could think about was the time they wouldn't share together.  
  
Amanda saw him sigh, and she lightly touched his shoulder. He looked up at her and smiled. It wasn't the dazzling smile Amanda was used to, but she smiled back and clasped his hand within hers. He squeezed it slightly and turned back to the window. But he didn't let go.  
  
***  
  
Bonjour. You must be Lee Stetson and Amanda King. Henri Dumont, a handsome man in his late thirties, recognized the American agents in the airport from the photographs the U.S. Embassy had faxed him. He reached out to shake Lee's hand and kiss Amanda's cheek. It's a pleasure, he said with a pleasing accent.  
  
Amanda smiled back and couldn't help but notice his attractive features. He had dark hair and piercing blue eyes that made you instantly want to know this man. Nice to meet you, too, Mr. Dumont. Amanda replied to his friendly greeting.  
  
Please. Call me Henri. Amanda nodded.  
  
Henri's looks did not go unnoticed by Lee who quickly brought up the reason they had come to Paris. So, Dumont, is there some place more private where we can discuss things?  
  
Yes, certainly. There is a car waiting for us outside. We can go to the embassy tonight after you've had time to relax from your long flight. Now, we go to your hotel, yes?  
  
Yeah, we need to get our stuff together first. Lee followed Agent Dumont to the waiting Peugeot. He was not overly thrilled with the way this man had his hand on Amanda's shoulder, but there wasn't anything he could do about it.  
  
Is this the car we'll be using while we're here? Amanda asked Dumont as she got in the front seat, to Lee's dismay.  
  
Actually, no, Henri replied. This is my own car. It is relatively easy to find your way around the city. You can take the metro or a bus or just walk for any sightseeing. For our meetings, we can either meet at your hotel, or I will pick you up to come to the American embassy or headquarters of our Agency. This is okay?  
  
That's fine, she answered. Lee hadn't said much, but with the way he had been acting lately, that didn't surprise Amanda. He was sitting in the back seat with the luggage, and it had occurred to her that she should have sat with him, but Agent Dumont had opened the front door for her, and she hadn't wanted to be rude. He was probably just thinking about the case.  
  
Lee sat tiredly in the back as he listened to Amanda and Dumont discuss the city. He didn't feel much like small talk, so he just sat back and listened to Amanda's voice. There was something about it that just made him feel good inside. But everything about her did that. It made him feel a little strange that Dumont was probably enjoying chatting with Amanda. And that damned annoying way he kissed her! Hm. The flight had been long, but Lee knew that the rest of this day would seem even longer.  
  
***  
  
Phillipe Verdurand, Desirée Chandier, Hélène Gisset, François Barrault, and Gérard Cocteau. They have all gone to the Russians within the past two months. Agent Dumont was reading names of his co-workers that had defected. Several of the operations that they were working on at the time they left, were stopped--and not by my government.  
  
Lee began as he reviewed his own material, Jack Thomas, Raul Lopez, and Larry McKinley have gone from our side. Several others have been contacted.  
  
If others from the French intelligence community have been contacted, Dumont added, they haven't lived to tell about it. We're investigating the mysterious deaths of a few of our agents.  
  
Whoever he is, Lee acknowledged, He knows what he's doing.  
  
Amanda had been listening quietly. Are any of the cases these agents were working on similar?  
  
It doesn't look that way, Lee answered her. But there has to be a link somewhere.  
  
Not necessarily, argued Dumont. If it is the Russians who are behind this, and it must be, than they could just be looking to become more powerful. The more of our agents they take, the worse we look.  
  
Lee agreed. But if they want to give us less power, why not take the better agents? They've been going after the rookies, not the more influential agents.  
  
True, but the more seasoned agents are less likely to defect. The ones who have been murdered are mostly not beginners.  
  
Amanda pointed out. This isn't getting us anywhere. We're going to have to do thorough background searches on each agent that has been contacted or defected. We'll have to research every case they've been working on for the past few months and compare everything. That could take awhile.  
  
Yeah, Amanda's right, Lee acknowledged. Why don't we call it a night and meet back here tomorrow morning?  
  
said Dumont. And tomorrow I will see if I can contact any of my friends on the street. They may have heard something that we're not supposed to hear.  
  
Amanda answered. And they headed out to the waiting Peugeot, Lee once again not too happy to have his girlfriend so friendly with the handsome Frenchman.  
  
***  
  
The following night, the three agents were no closer to discovering the source of their Agencies' troubles than before. No apparent links were found, and there seemed nothing else to do but wait for another agent to be contacted or another mission to be disturbed. Dumont drove Lee and Amanda back to their hotel, agreeing that they would meet again in the morning.  
  
As they got out of the car, Henri had an idea. You know, it is not very late, and the two of you have not had much chance to view the city. It is quite beautiful at night. I would be happy to give you a tour.  
  
Amanda looked at Lee, but he didn't seem too thrilled with the idea.  
  
No thanks, Lee said. I'll pass.  
  
In that case, Amanda, Henri said charmingly, would you be willing to accompany me? He held out his arm for her to take.  
  
she began hesitantly looking in her partner's direction. Lee wanted her to come back to the hotel with him, but he was also feeling sorry for himself and scared. As much as he needed her, he pushed her away, afraid to have her find out what was wrong.   
  
Lee heard himself saying, Go on. Have a good time.   
  
Amanda looked unsure of herself, but Henri put his arm through hers and led her back to the car. Lee forced a smile as he turned to go into the hotel. Why did he tell her to go? If he'd asked her to stay, he knew she would have. It was pride, and Lee knew it, but it was also fear. Though he had wanted to spend time with Amanda in Paris, he was afraid for her to find out about his declining sight. The whole situation scared him, and watching Dumont kiss a greeting to Amanda every time they met, was making Lee jealous. He told himself that she would have more fun with Dumont than she would have with him. After all, Lee reasoned, after he went blind, Amanda would want to find someone else anyway. _She could never have a good time with me.   
_  
Lee refused to let himself believe otherwise. He was feeling miserable and wanted to keep feeling that way. There was no room for anyone else within his sulking heart, not even the woman he loved. His emotions were so mixed up, that he truly believed she would no longer care for him once she found out. And he was letting himself believe that she was having a great time with Dumont and then some.  
  
_This isn't working_, Lee thought to himself as he opened the door to his hotel room. _I'm supposed to be spending time with Amanda before it's over. Now she's off with some guy probably having the time of her life, and I'm here alone in my hotel room. I love her, damnit. Why can't I just tell her? About everything. She's going to find out eventually that I'm going blind. I just wanted to spend some last time together.  
  
_Once again, Lee felt his gun. _No_, he told himself. _I have to at least finish this case. I have to talk to Amanda. She has to know how I feel. But how can I talk to her if I encourage her to go on a date with another man? She's probably better off without me, anyway. Maybe it's good for her to be with someone else. She will be soon enough, anyway.   
  
_Lee laid down on the double bed. He wouldn't be able to sleep, he knew. He hadn't slept much all week. Tonight would be worse, though. He would hear Amanda come into the adjoining room probably late at night, and probably laughing with Dumont. And Lee would still lay there in the dark, alone in his room, and listen to her having a good time, knowing that soon he would forever only be able to listen to her.   
  
***  
  
Henri asked in a concerned voice as he and Amanda walked down the Champs-Elysée. Is everything all right?  
  
Oh, yes, she said quickly. Seeing he didn't believe her, she decided to be honest with him. Well, actually, I'm a little worried about my partner, she admitted.  
  
Monsieur Stetson? Yes, well, he does seem a little odd, but I don't really know him.  
  
He's been acting that way all week, and he won't talk to me. Amanda didn't want to get too personal. I mean, we're not exactly best friends or anything, she lied. But we are partners, and we talk about things sometimes.  
  
Well, if he doesn't want to talk to you, that's not your fault.  
  
I know. But I feel like I should be with him.  
  
Amanda, he told you to go. And anyway, why would you want to spend a beautiful night like this locked away in a hotel room? A beautiful woman like you should be out enjoying yourself.  
  
Amanda smiled absently at his compliment, but she knew she wouldn't be able to stop worrying about her friend. I have been enjoying myself, Mr. Du--  
  
he corrected.  
  
Henri. It's just that I'm still tired from our flight, so I think I'd like to call it a night.  
  
Henri sighed in noticeable disappointment. If you insist. And he led the way back to his car.  
  
***  
  
Back in her hotel room, Amanda was thinking about her evening. She had had fun, but she would have enjoyed herself much more if she had been exploring the city with Lee. Henri had insisted on escorting her back to her hotel room and had kissed her good night, but not in the simple French greeting that he usually used. Though she couldn't help but be attracted to the man, Amanda certainly didn't want a relationship with him. She already had one with Lee, though Lee's actions were beginning to give her some doubt about Lee's feelings for her.  
  
With a sigh, she got up and knocked on the separating door. She didn't think that Lee would be asleep yet.  
  
Lee heard the knock, but he had also seen the kiss when he had been returning from the hotel bar. He didn't want to see Amanda right then.  
  
Amanda opened the door anyway and looked for her partner. He was sitting at the table with a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in front of him. Why didn't you answer?  
  
Lee looked up at her. She was obviously still concerned about him, but that hadn't stopped her from kissing Dumont. He poured himself another glass. I was busy.  
  
You don't look very busy. Amanda sat down beside him at the table. Drinking was no way to solve problems, but she knew that Lee would not appreciate a lecture.  
  
she asked cautiously. He looked at her but didn't answer. She continued. I think we should talk.  
  
There's nothing to talk about.  
  
I think there is. Lee, why are pushing me away? I thought we were friends.  
  
And I thought we were more than that. Lee got up and walked toward the window, wine glass in hand.  
  
Amanda followed him. Of course we are. But I mean, friends are supposed to talk to each other and help each other.  
  
You know what, Amanda? It would help me a lot if you would just leave me alone right now, because I'm really not in the mood for this.  
  
Amanda had never seen Lee act this way, and it scared her. It also made her even more determined to find out what was wrong. I'm not leaving, she said firmly.  
  
You always were stubborn. Neither of them said anything for several seconds. Then Lee continued, Where's Henri? He emphasized the name with a sour note.  
  
He went home, I guess, Amanda explained warily. Just what was Lee getting at?  
  
What a shame, he replied sarcastically, with another drink from his wine glass.  
  
Lee, if you're thinking what I think you're thinking then I think you better stop thinking it.  
  
  
  
Look, Lee. He invited you to come with us, but you didn't want to. You practically begged me to go.  
  
Did I beg you to kiss him, too? The look of surprise on Amanda's face caused Lee to turn his back to her and face the window.  
  
You saw that? Lee, _he_ kissed _me_. _I_ didn't kiss _him_. There's a difference.  
  
I don't think we should see each other anymore, Lee said quietly.  
  
Amanda felt like someone had punched her in the stomach. Lee wouldn't break up with her just because of Henri. Would he? Amanda worried that she didn't know her partner as well as she had thought.  
  
Lee didn't know who was speaking for him, but everything inside himself was telling him to stop being so mean to Amanda. He loved her. What was he doing to her?  
  
What did you just say? Amanda asked uneasily.  
  
You heard me. Lee turned around, and the look on Amanda's face tore at his heart. He relented. It's too dangerous. It would never work, he mumbled as a further excuse.  
  
We've had this discussion before, Lee.  
  
Well, we're having it again. And anyway, there's obviously other guys out there you can date.  
  
Damnit, Lee--  
  
Her choice of words in her frustration caught both of them by surprise. It was one of the few times Lee ever heard her swear.  
  
She tried to continue. I told you. Henri was just showing me around. He kissed me. And then he left. I didn't tell him he could stay. And I didn't tell him I'd go with him again tomorrow, even though he did ask me. Lee, I thought you and I were supposed to do all those touristy things together. We're supposed to be having fun.  
  
All the anger that had been building up inside of Lee at his impending blindness was released at this point. He forcefully threw his empty glass across the room and watched it shatter against the wall.  
  
Fun? We're supposed to be having fun? Well maybe you're having fun, but I'm certainly not!  
  
Amanda was caught off guard at his sudden outburst. She nervously watched him approach her.   
  
Go. Go back to your hotel room, and just leave me alone! When she didn't move, Lee raised his hand as if to slap her. She stood her ground. Though his uncharacteristic actions were scaring her, she knew in her heart that Lee would never hurt her.  
  
Damn you, Lee said as he withdrew his shaking hand and turned his back to her. With a sigh of relief, she tentatively reached her hand to his back. He moved out of her reach. Leave me alone. It sounded more like a plea this time than threat.  
  
No, Lee, Amanda said softly. I won't leave you. I care too much about you to leave you alone.  
  
He turned to face her and saw the deep concern in her eyes. I can't, Amanda.  
  
Why not? Lee, I'm so worried about you. Please tell me what's wrong.   
  
The look on Amanda's face was too much for him. he said softly. he said more forcefully.   
  
Lee, I--   
  
Damnit, Amanda, I'm going blind! Are you happy now? Lee walked over to the window seat and sat down, shaking.  
  
Amanda was stunned. Oh my gosh, she said in disbelief. She knew that what was worrying Lee was serious, and she thought she was prepared for anything, but not this.   
  
Oh, Lee. She approached his hunched figure on the window seat and put her arms around him.  
  
he choked out.  
  
It's okay, Lee. I'm here. She had never seen Lee cry before, and it made her feel very protective of him. She knew how stressful it must have been for Lee to keep such a secret. And she knew it was something that would change his life, change both of theirs, in fact. But all she thought of right then, was comforting this friend that she cared so much about.  
  
Lee's crying was reserved and brief, yet he silently stayed in Amanda's arms for nearly an hour. He had never felt so comfortable and safe before. His feelings of love and trust for Amanda were even stronger than before. He had surprised himself by crying, but he wasn't embarrassed--he was with Amanda, and he trusted her with more than his life.  
  
Amanda was gently stroking his hair when he finally spoke. I'm sorry.  
  
For what? You were scared, Lee. You didn't know what to do.  
  
That's no excuse for how I acted with you. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't. I didn't know how. I was going to, after this case, but then Dumont came, and I just was afraid I was going to lose you.  
  
Oh, Lee. I'm not going anywhere.  
  
Lee looked up at her. I understand if, well, if, you don't want to . . . Lee didn't know how to say what he was afraid to hear the answer to.  
  
Amanda understood. I mean it. I'm not going anywhere. Ever. She smiled. And you know how stubborn I am.  
  
Lee smiled back. I sure do. His smile faded as he remembered his eyes. Amanda, what am I going to do?  
  
I don't know, Sweetheart. But we'll get through this. I promise.  
  
I won't be able to work at the Agency anymore.  
  
Maybe you can, Lee. You can still do some things around the office, and you can give your input on cases, and--  
  
Yeah, Amanda. Stupid little jobs.  
  
Amanda sighed. She knew there was nothing she could say that would comfort him in that department. She decided to change the subject.  
  
Lee, let's go do something.  
  
  
  
There's no time like the present, she said cheerfully as she stood up and took Lee's hand. You promised me that we would do more than just work on this trip, and Francine would be very disappointed if she had nothing to gossip about. Lee grinned in spite of himself. So, let's go do something.  
  
I thought you and your Henri already did some sightseeing? he said teasingly.  
  
Don't you start on that again, she said as she led him to the door. Besides, I was so worried about you that I wasn't paying attention to anything anyway. So let's go.  
  
Lee smiled in spite of himself. Why had he been so worried? Tonight wouldn't change the fact that he was going to lose his sight, but for just one night, he wanted to forget about it--he was happy, it was a nice night out, and he was spending time with the woman he loved.  
  
***  
  
The next afternoon, Lee and Amanda, along with Agent Dumont, ate lunch together on the Baton Mouche, a boat floating along the Seine river. Every defected agent's profile had been checked over several times, and the only thing they seemed to have in common was that they were, in fact, agents. The cases they had recently worked on did not seem to be related, either. Everyone was puzzled.  
  
It just doesn't make sense, said Amanda as she finished her duc à l'orange.  
  
I know, Lee agreed. But all we can do is wait until someone else is contacted.  
  
Or murdered, added Dumont.  
  
Well, what do you want us to do? Lee asked, annoyed at Dumont's insinuation. We have no leads, no ties, nothing. You don't know anything more than we do.  
  
Excuse me, Monsieur Stetson. I was not trying to imply that it is your fault that French agents have been killed. But I do find it suspicious that none of your American agents have died.  
  
So you're saying you think it's an American whose behind all this?  
  
I am simply pointing out the facts. Our agents have been killed. Yours have not. More French agents have defected than Americans. Perhaps whoever is behind this has more to gain by interfering with French intelligence operations.  
  
Than why even bother with Americans?  
  
Perhaps to throw others off track. Perhaps one of your seasoned agents has, as you say, burnt out.  
  
And perhaps, Lee said growing rather angry. One of your seasoned agents, like yourself, has, as you say, gone nuts?  
  
Amanda began.  
  
Amanda, he thinks we're behind all this.  
  
I didn't say that. Henri calmly reached for some cheese.  
  
Than what did you say?  
  
Simply that we must look at all the possibilities. And, yes. That includes suspecting French agents, as well, though it is highly unlikely.  
  
Dumont's attitude was beginning to annoy Lee. He got up with a sound of disgust and left the room.  
  
Amanda apologized for her partner after he had gone. He's got a lot on his mind.  
  
  
  
Well, with this case, you know. He's just as confused as the rest of us.  
  
Or just as frightened maybe?  
  
What is that supposed to mean? That he's doing something wrong? Amanda was beginning to understand why Lee had gotten angry.  
  
No, no, Amanda. I meant that it is the French agents who have been killed, not Americans. Your partner does not have to worry about his life being threatened.  
  
Henri, we all have to worry. Just because an American hasn't been killed yet, doesn't mean we're safe. Maybe just being in this country could get us killed.  
  
Maybe. But we have no leads. We know that classified information is getting to the Russians, but we don't know by whom. It could be a Russian who has infiltrated our systems, or it could be an agent who remains here only to provide the Soviets with information. If he were a French agent, he would have been caught by now. We have done extensive work in checking and double checking our agents' backgrounds. Our system is secure.  
  
If it were secure, no one would be dead.   
  
Henri didn't answer, so Amanda excused herself to check on Lee. He was in the next room, leaning against a wall, watching the upcoming deck.  
  
she said.  
  
How's our cher ami? Lee asked with a note of sarcasm.  
  
The same. You know, the last thing we need is to stop trusting each other. We all have to work together.  
  
I know, Amanda, but that guy just rubs me the wrong way. He's sure an American is behind all this.  
  
He could be right, Lee. To his look of protest, she added quickly, And so could you. We just don't know. But we can't just go around blaming each other with no evidence.  
  
Or so he says. Who knows what he's not telling us?  
  
Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?  
  
This isn't America, remember? Lee headed back to the dining room, but stopped himself just in time. He motioned for Amanda to be quiet and led her back into the other room.   
  
Amanda, did you see that?  
  
  
  
He switched glasses with me.  
  
Are you sure?  
  
I'm not blind yet, Amanda. I saw him.  
  
Why would he want to do that?  
  
Maybe he slipped me something.  
  
Oh, come on, Lee. Maybe he just took some of your wine because he thought you weren't coming back.  
  
He knows I'm coming back. And I'm going to prove it.  
  
  
  
You told me last night that he wanted to go out with you again, right?  
  
We didn't exactly go out,' Lee.  
  
Whatever. Well, tell him you'll go.  
  
What? Why?  
  
Keep him busy, so I can search his house, his office, anything to find evidence.  
  
Evidence of what? Oh, come on, Lee. He's one of the top agents in French intelligence.  
  
That's why he's getting away with it. Look Amanda. He's the one throwing blame all over the place. Maybe there's a reason.  
  
He's probably just as frustrated as you are.  
  
Still, we've got to check out every possible lead. And that's what I'm doing. Are you with me?  
  
Of course I am, Lee. But please be careful. If he is the one behind the leaks, he's not going to leave any trails.  
  
***  
  
After rejoining Henri at the table, Amanda explained that she had changed her mind and wanted to do some more sightseeing with him, after all. Her partner was being dull, she told him, and she wanted to have fun. The boat had docked by that time, so Henri and Amanda left together while Lee went back to the table and pretended he was drinking his wine. When they were out of sight, Lee took the wine with him and headed for the U.S. Embassy.  
  
***  
  
It's very nice, here, Henri, Amanda said as she looked at the blurred view of the Eiffel Tower from his living room window. They had gone sightseeing until the rain began. Since Henri's apartment was closer than the hotel, he had insisted they go there for umbrellas, and then continue viewing the city. Amanda had breathed a sigh of relief that Lee was not still there. She had guessed correctly that Lee would search the apartment first, and do the office at night when fewer people would be there.  
  
I'm glad you like it, Henri said pleasantly. Would you like a glass of wine before we go back out?  
  
Oh, no thank you. Amanda remembered Lee's wine glass and worried that he had been right. She hadn't been sure it was a good idea to be alone with Henri, but Lee had said to keep him busy, and the last thing she wanted was to have Henri find Lee sneaking through his office.   
  
Henri appeared disappointed that Amanda didn't want anything to drink, but he poured some wine anyway. I hope you don't mind if I have a glass. I'm a bit chilled from that downpour that caught us, and I'd like to warm up a bit. Please. Have a seat. He motioned toward the sofa as he sipped his drink.  
  
Amanda knew that Lee would want her to leave. No one knew where she was, and if Henri was the brains behind the Agencies' troubles, it would be dangerous for her to stay. She declined his invitation.  
  
Actually, I'm pretty exhausted. I think I'll go back to the hotel and get to bed.  
  
Why not rest here for awhile? It would be no trouble.  
  
I really should be getting back. Amanda headed for the front door, but Henri blocked her way.  
  
You have no car, he reminded her.   
  
I'll walk. _Please let me go_.   
  
In the rain?  
  
I'll take a cab then. Amanda was getting nervous. He was trying to detain her, and she was afraid to guess why. She pushed passed him to the door, but he caught her arm, taking a gun from his pocket.  
  
I think, Amanda, he said with a voice not so pleasant as she had formerly thought, that you should stay.   
  
***  
  
Scarecrow, I've been trying to reach you. Billy Melrose was talking on the phone from his Washington D.C. office. Where have you been?  
  
Look, Billy, I can't talk long. But I think I've found the leak.  
  
  
  
None other than Henri Dumont.  
  
  
  
I didn't suspect him at first, either, Billy. But the way he kept trying to blame everyone but the French bothered me. And then I saw him switch wine glasses with me when he thought he was alone.  
  
What did he slip you?  
  
I don't know yet. The lab at the U.S. Embassy is testing it now. You can call them and find out. And get them over to Dumont's. When I was searching his office I found some documents that he didn't share with the rest of us. With his handy dandy Swiss bank accounts this guy can afford to bribe anyone, including our agents.  
  
Do you know why?  
  
Apparently, this guy is tight with the KGB. I found a couple of phone numbers that I had checked out. Both belong to leaders of the KGB, and Dumont left some notes in his trash can about some operation they're planning. To pull it off, they need more men--men already trained in espionage.  
  
I can't believe it. All right. I'll get some agents to his office and apartment ASAP. You and Amanda--  
  
Billy, he's with Amanda right now. She was trying to keep him busy while I searched his office.  
  
Do you know where they went?  
  
No, but she should have been back by now. I'm going to check out Dumont's apartment.  
  
  
  
***  
  
Why are you doing this? Amanda was tied up on the couch, while Dumont sat opposite her, gun in hand.  
  
I'm waiting for your boyfriend, ma cherie. He should be arriving in a few hours, stumbling up the stairs. Yes, stumbling. His sight will be troubling him tonight.  
  
His sight? Amanda was beginning to understand. Somehow Dumont was behind Lee's troubles.  
  
Pretty clever, no? They say the French love their wine, but Americans crave it even more. The more they drink, the more they want to drink. My dear, don't look so confused. And don't worry. Your Scarecrow is not really going blind. It was an untraceable drug that I've had my American contacts slip him over the past few weeks. Of course, when he gets here, his sight will be the least of his worries.  
  
You're behind all of this? Why?  
  
Simple. I knew that your Agency would pick one of the best. I put in my request that I would like to work with the infamous Scarecrow. I knew that someone would be sent to France to investigate, so I wanted to be prepared. And I knew he would be too preoccupied with his own personal problems to pay much attention to this case.   
  
Dumont got up and walked around the room as he spoke. Of course, I underestimated you. I didn't think that some American housewife would be any trouble. Obviously you came with me tonight to keep me busy. But that last drug I slipped your partner put him in no shape to do an adequate search. It's hard to look for something if your eyes keep blacking out. Still, once he regains his senses, which will probably be in a few hours, our operation will be complete, and there will be nothing you can do about it.  
  
What operation? Amanda knew he would try to kill her anyway, and it would make no difference now how much she knew.  
  
Oh, just the overthrow of a few strategic governments. We have been planning this for years, and now that we have enough manpower and have weakened several Agencies, we will succeed.  
  
Guess again. Lee stood in the doorway and pointed his gun directly at Dumont. Set the gun down. Lee came closer to them.  
  
Dumont was surprised that the drug's effects had worn off so suddenly. He slowly leaned over as if to set the weapon down, but instead grabbed Amanda and held the gun to her.  
  
So you didn't finish your wine, I see, Monsieur Stetson. That's too bad. It was your last glass. I suggest you put your weapon down before somebody gets hurt.  
  
Lee saw Amanda's fear and set his gun on the floor. Dumont motioned for him to sit on a nearby chair as he thrust Amanda in that direction. Lee grabbed her hand protectively.   
  
You're not going to get away with this. Lee said as Dumont began to tie them up. My Agency and yours, too, already know about your plan, and it has been stopped. You shouldn't be so sloppy next time. Umph. Lee had received a blow to the stomach for his unwanted commentary.  
  
And you shouldn't be so stupid, Scarecrow. My plan may not be in effect now, but I can still get away. I have a safe place waiting for me with the KGB. As he turned to finish tying Lee, Amanda stuck out her foot and tripped him, causing him to lurch forward, landing on his knees. Lee jumped up and grabbed both guns which had been accidentally dropped as the double agent fell.  
  
Not this time, Dumont.  
  
***  
  
After untying Amanda, Lee had called Billy to explain what had gone down, and backup arrived shortly thereafter. Dumont was taken away and his apartment further searched by both French and American agents. After explaining to the agents what had happened, Lee and Amanda left the apartment and entered the rainy Paris night.  
  
Lee said under the protection of the awning. It's been quite a week, huh?  
  
Amanda smiled. You can say that again.   
  
They looked at each other contentedly. The past few days had brought them even closer together than they had been before. I've missed you, Lee said tenderly.  
  
They leaned together for a long-awaited kiss, and Lee was reminded of something he had wanted to tell her.  
  
The Eiffel Tower's around here, isn't it? he asked after the welcome hug.  
  
Amanda answered curiously. It's just around the corner. Why?  
  
Come on. He took her hand to lead her out from under the awning.  
  
Amanda eyed the rain that was pouring down in buckets.  
  
As I remember someone telling me once, there's no time like the present.' So let's go.  
  
Amanda smiled as she followed his lead. The cool rain felt good, and she hummed a few notes.  
  
Someone sounds happy, Lee observed with a smile.  
  
Oh, I couldn't be happier, Lee. I was so worried about you.  
  
You're not the only one.   
  
They walked on quietly together, enjoying each other's company. As they reached the Eiffel Tower, Lee stopped and looked into Amanda's sparkling brown eyes. I just want you to know how much it means to me that you were there for me last night.  
  
We're friends, Lee. I mean it. I'll always be here for you.  
  
Yeah, well, not everyone would.  
  
I'm not everyone.  
  
That's for sure. They smiled affectionately at each other. I don't think I could ever have opened up like that to anyone else. I mean, it was so hard to tell you. I didn't want you to be hurt, but . . . oh, I don't know.  
  
I do. Lee, you are so special--when are you going to realize that? Yes, it would have hurt me if you really were to go blind, but only because it would hurt you. Lee Stetson isn't who he is because he can see. What's really important is you--just you.  
  
Lee was very touched by her words, and he knew that she was sincere. He knew now more than ever how he felt about her, and he wanted her to know it, too. He glanced around at the falling rain and dark cloudy skies. It wasn't exactly the scene he imagined, but it would do.  
  
He spied some wilted flowers that someone had discarded nearby and picked them up. Though the rain was continuing to fall steadily, he barely felt it as he looked into Amanda's wide brown eyes. He held out the sorry little flowers to her with a smile.  
She smiled back as she accepted them, warmly clasping Lee's hand. Lee shook his head wonderingly.  
  
I love you, Amanda.   
  
Amanda's eyes couldn't have shown more brightly. She glanced down at the wilted flowers and laughed warmly, cherishing her little bouquet. Oh, Lee. I love you, too.  
  
They embraced with a passionate kiss. As they let go, Amanda sighed happily. I'm so glad you're okay.  
  
Lee thought back to his apartment and how he had actually thought of killing himself.   
  
I almost wasn't, he admitted.  
  
  
  
He glanced down at the gun tucked into his pants, a little ashamed of his previous thoughts. I almost thought of ending it all.  
  
Amanda followed his glance with understanding in her eyes. She gently lifted his chin with her hand and looked at him lovingly.  
  
Oh, but, Lee. This is just the beginning.  
  
  
THE END


End file.
